Lockdown taking a toll on your relationship?
#stayathome with wife and kids can be quite challenging?
Here are 41 daily tips to ease the strain in quarantine.
Just practice one of these every day and turn this forced situation into an opportunity to make your marriage more fun and happy.
Based on the lessons we have learned from The Happy Marriage Challenge.
Day #1
Censor every impulse to blame or criticize your wife.
Day #2
Anxiety is fed by two main things: fear of the unknown and wanting to control the future.
Today remind yourself to take things one day at a time while simultaneously creating short-term plans with your wife. Take care of the essentials and come up with simple, prudent, feasible plans. You’ll quell your anxieties while fostering teamwork.
Day #3
Put down the phone. Turn off the TV. Put the computer away. As much you can.
Day #4
Stop keeping a tab on things. Instead, raise your eyes off this screen and do the first chore that can be of help to her.
Day #5
Let your wife be who she is and focus on changing yourself. Start making small changes right now.
Day #6
Count the positive and negative interactions with your wife. Check the balance the whole day to aim for 5 five positive interactions for each negative one. Because couples with at least five positive comments or gestures for every negative interaction tend to be happy.
Day #7
Fill the day with all the ways you can say yes to her and the kids.
Day #8
No video games for today. Instead, let the kids play and invest that free time to help your wife.
Day #9
Today you will give your wife undivided attention and love. Because she needs quality time. Think of this time as plaster for the relationship, to always apply when you spot a wound.
Day #10
Enjoy shoulder-to-shoulder time. Not every connecting moment is a huge conversation.
Some of my favorite ways to connect with my wife are when we’re in the kitchen preparing meals together, only talking to check what to prepare next or to ask for a tool.
Day #11
Start getting enough rest a priority. How much sleep you get can affect your mood.
Because there are studies that proved that if both partners got less than seven hours of sleep in the previous nights, the couple were more likely to "argue or become hostile."
Day #12
As I told you yesterday... Go to bed at the same time.
Day # 13
Stonewalling: that’s when you eventually tune out because you are overwhelmed. No non-verbal cues of listening are given. In 85% of cases, the stonewaller is the husband.
If this is the case and you are doing this… Think about that it gives her a message of “I do not care”. So try to avoid this for the whole day.
Day #14
Do something she hates. This doesn't need any explanations… everybody loves when someone does what they hate.
Day # 15
Take 5 minutes to think about when it has been the last time you express gratitude to your wife…
This morning? Ok
Yesterday? Quite ok
Last week? Not so Well
Last month? Trouble
Can't remember? BIG trouble
So… now you know what needs to be done!
Day #16
Show to your wife your commitment to acquiring and maintaining new good habits.
Day #17
Brainstorm a list of 5 fun things you did together when you first met. Could you recreate at least one in time of lockdown?
Day #18
Sarcasm and cynicism are examples of contempt and do wonders towards a divorce! Contempt can be seen in things like rolling eyes, sneering, mockery and hostile humor.
Contempt is the most poisonous to a relationship than any other behavior. Sometimes, contempt is offered in the guise of high “moral” standards.
That’s toxic to a relationship. If you are doing this… STOP NOW!
Day #19
Don't fall into the "if only" trap with your wife. "If only she dressed better." "If only she was funnier." This will just lead to frustration and anger on both sides.
Instead, spend intentional time every day valuing who your partner is, not who you want her to be.
Day #20
In a long term relationship it's hard at times to remember that you have each other and that it is a great thing. It's easy to lose sight of that with kids, chores, jobs, etc.
So for today please just sit and think that you have each other.
Day #21
Recall how you first met. Go back to treating your wife the way you did when you first met her.
Day #22
The best thing you can do for your relationship is to stop pointing fingers and playing the blame game. That is the one thing that severely damages your relationship.
Even if it’s your wife’s fault, learn to let go. The more you will blame your partner, the farther away she will go from you. And you don’t want to drive her to the point of no return.
Day #23
Since you can’t go outside, try to schedule indoor dates. A kind of “date night in”. Drink or eat something together.
Day #24
Today eliminate sentences with the inflexible “always” and “never” statements…. such as “you always have to have the last word” or “you never listen”. Try to spend the whole day without using those words.
Day #25
Show your appreciation. NOW!
Day #26
No yelling or snapping. Hold yourself in check. When you feel like shouting or criticizing, take a deep breath and a step back. Count your blessings and practice gratitude. Remind yourself that your wife is doing her best amid the chaos, just as you are.
Day #27
Stop the “I am right and she is wrong” attitude. Today just listen and try to act as your wife asks you.
Day #28
“Re-appreciate” time with each other… and the kids.
Day #29
Give each other time to work on individual hobbies and take it in turns looking after the kids.
Day #30
In times of prolonged stress, mood swings are common. Today give extra attention to her mood. If you’re concerned you’ve somehow triggered her emotionally, simply ask directly and calmly. We are all stressed these days and have a responsibility to manage our behaviors, but no one is perfect. Remember that.
Day #31
Get facts from a reliable source such as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), a local health department or a medical provider. No fake news in your family and limit media consumption such as 30 minutes in the morning and evening rather than reading headlines or keeping cable news on all day.
Day #32
Make plans with your partner for after the crisis is over. It’s important to accept the reality, but also acknowledge this is not permanent. Planning can help keep you positive and motivated to stay safe.
Day #33
Avoid the whole day the use of “you” statements to explain what your partner needs to do or change.
Day #34
Connect with others relatives and friends who can provide social support so you do not feel disconnected from the world outside. Reach out via telephone, email, social media, text message.
Could you host a Zoom dinner with friends?
Day #35
Quarantine days are the perfect time to learn something new, so keep yourself busy. An empty mind is the devil's workshop; the empty mind will lead you to depression and anxiety, so keep doing something constructive.
Day #36
Spend time with kids. Play games with them; not those internet games, but physical games. Build something with them… they will remember coronavirus as the time when they played a lot with their dad.
Day #37
For couples working from home, every partner should have different working hours. As a result, one parent can always spend time with kids. Time slots should not clash, this is a major point and it reduces tension.
Day #38
Don’t become defensive and attack your partner for how they feel or act in this time of crisis. Listen to your partner’s feelings and validate their response to this crisis as being OK.
Day #39
Place a high priority on having fun together today. And at the end of this having fun together as a family, will be what you’re going to remember.
Day #40
Listen to your wife, give her a helping hand, do not impose anything, just be there to listen. Focus on the good things.
Day #41
Don't beat yourself up when things are not going perfectly in your household. On top of everything else, being upset with yourself is totally counterproductive. Things are going to be hairy for a while, and if you can't stick to your schedule or can't fit in your at-home workout every day, it's really not such a big deal in the long run.
It's much more valuable to everyone to use the time to reflect on the important things, and try to keep a sense of 'we're all in this together' at the forefront.
Save this list for future reference and try one of this everyday.
And feel free to share with a husband who needs this.