From: Chris
To: Matt, Happy Marriage Husband
“I’ll be honest. I didn’t think Day 12’s challenge was for me.
You asked us to count how many times we say ‘No’ or ‘Not right now’ to our wives, and then try to replace them with a ‘Yes’ for 24 hours.I realized I was a ‘No’ addict.
My wife would ask if I could help her move a rug, or if I wanted to watch a specific show, or if I could stop for milk on the way home.
My default was always: ‘In a minute,’ ‘Can’t it wait?’ or just ‘No, I’m tired.’
I thought I was ‘protecting my peace,’ but I was actually just building a wall.Yesterday, I tried the ‘Yes’ challenge.
She asked if I could help her look for her lost sunglasses while I was right in the middle of the game. Usually, I’d grunt and stay on the couch. This time, I stood up and said, ‘Sure, let’s find them.’ It took three minutes.The result?
She didn’t throw me a parade, but the ‘temperature’ in the room dropped ten degrees. She stopped sounding so annoyed when she talked to me.
Later that night, she actually sat next to me on the couch instead of in the separate chair. It wasn’t a movie-ending miracle, but for the first time in weeks, it felt like we weren’t annoyed to be in the same room.”
What I learned from Chris message.
Chris hit on a major secret here: Marriage isn’t a power struggle; it’s a series of deposits.
This is called Accepting Influence.
Every time you say “No” to a small request, you’re making a withdrawal from your wife’s emotional bank account.
By saying “Yes” to the sunglasses, Chris made a deposit.
When that account is full, she feels like you’re on her team, and she naturally wants to be on yours.
It’s not about being a pushover. It’s about being a partner.
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